Chris (pgchris) wrote,

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So, I'm sitting here at 4 in the morning and I figured it was a good time to write.

I'm a little under the weather right now, which is a bummer. Everyone in the house is sick right now, so it's been no fun. I keep trying to fight it off, but I'm not doing a great job of that. I fell asleep for three hours earlier too, so I'm wide awake.

I've been going through papers on my floor - old notes from middle school, school schedules, and song lyrics that I wrote when I was younger. It's been weird looking back at this stuff, and realizing that it's just time to throw it away. Some of it, I saved, sure, but I made some serious progress at de-cluttering my room, and my life. It's a weird feeling though.

I think I make things a lot harder on myself than they need to be. I'm trying to learn as much as I can, but I feel like I keep making mistake after mistake. I guess it's not a mistake if you learn from it, but I can't help but feel like the last year of my life has been a blur. Every day has become just another day to get through, and I haven't really done anything memorable. I'm struggling financially (like you wouldn't believe), and I just feel like my life is living me, instead of me living my life. It's wearing me down, and I know it's time for a change.

I'm yearning for so much more - great friends that I get to see and spend time with, a career that I'll enjoy and that'll make me happy, and enough money to be able to live stress free and not paycheck to paycheck, and honestly, my own place. It sounds so simple...maybe it is. Maybe I'm just making it harder on myself than it needs to be.

I'm just trying to keep it simple, have fun, and do something memorable. I'm tired of living a blur.
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